Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of 'accidentally' brand each other every once in a while. It's their way of letting off stress."
"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy."
"Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise."
"Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!"
"I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is anyone listening to me?!"
Top 5 quotes from Darkness, Light, Monarchy, Time