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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
:: When you first start wearing a...
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"When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe." -
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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
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Art
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Mistakes
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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise."
"Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!"
"I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is anyone listening to me?!"
"I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear."
"I think my favorite monster movie is 'Gone With the Wind', because it has that ear monster and that big-dress monster."
Top 5 quotes from Art, Mistakes
"Hear me, four quarters of the world - a relative I am! Give me the strength to walk the soft earth, a relative to all that is! Give me the eyes to see and the strength to understand, that I may be like you. With your power only can I face the winds."
"May every young scientist remember... and not fail to keep his eyes open for the possibility that an irritating failure of his apparatus to give consistent results may once or twice in a lifetime conceal an important discovery."
"It is not because angels are holier than men or devils that makes them angels, but because they do not expect holiness from one another, but from God only."
"No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings."
"Love seeketh not Itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care, But for another gives it ease, And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair. "
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