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"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words---'mank' and 'ind'. What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind." - Copy to Clipboard
-- Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of 'accidentally' brand each other every once in a while. It's their way of letting off stress."
"When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy."
"Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise."
"Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!"
"I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute TO THE PLANE ITSELF! Is anyone listening to me?!"