Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered they were not Indians at all, but dirty clothes hampers. by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

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QuoteWorld :: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] :: Even though I was their captiv...

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"Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered they were not Indians at all, but dirty clothes hampers." - Copy to Clipboard

-- Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a 'shell' if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags."
"I don't think I'm ever more 'aware' than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer."
"Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way."
"You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of 'accidentally' brand each other every once in a while. It's their way of letting off stress."

Top 5 quotes from Freedom, Liberty, Quitting

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"It is a secret both in nature and state, that it is safer to change many things than one."
"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."

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