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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
:: Do you know what happens when ...
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"Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way." -
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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
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Knowledge
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Wisdom
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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a 'shell' if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags."
"I bet the sparrow looks at the parrot and thinks, yes, you can talk, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF!"
"I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood that you mean lengthwise loaves. Otherwise, it makes no sense."
"I don't think I'm ever more 'aware' than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer."
Top 5 quotes from Knowledge, Wisdom
"Nothing has such power to broaden the mind as the ability to investigate systematically and truly all that comes under thy observation in life."
"It is a secret both in nature and state, that it is safer to change many things than one."
"He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils for time is the greatest innovator."
"It seems to me that those songs that have been any good, I have nothing much to do with the writing of them. The words have just crawled down my sleeve and come out on the page."
"You never find yourself until you face the truth."
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