If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture. by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

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QuoteWorld :: Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] :: If your friend is already dead...

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"If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture." - Copy to Clipboard

-- Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

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Listed in: Death, Education, Friends, Reading, School, Teaching

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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a 'shell' if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags."
"I don't think I'm ever more 'aware' than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer."
"Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half? Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard way."
"You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of 'accidentally' brand each other every once in a while. It's their way of letting off stress."

Top 5 quotes from Death, Education, Friends, Reading, School, Teaching

"By a tranquil mind I mean nothing else than a mind well ordered."
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"It seems to me that those songs that have been any good, I have nothing much to do with the writing of them. The words have just crawled down my sleeve and come out on the page."
"People who treat other people as less than human must not be surprised when the bread they have cast on the waters comes floating back to them, poisoned."

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