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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
:: You know one thing that will r...
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"You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)" -
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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
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Knowledge
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Men
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Wisdom
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Women
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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around."
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I 'swarm about' to protect my nest of chocolate eggs."
"If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance."
"There should be a detective show called 'Johnny Monkey,' because every week you could have a guy say 'I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY,' but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that."
Top 5 quotes from Knowledge, Men, Wisdom, Women
"Never esteem anything as an advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect."
"Death hangs over thee, While thou still live, while thou may, do good."
"Men exist for the sake of one another. Teach them then or bear with them."
"Men seek out retreats for themselves in the country, by the seaside, on the moutains. . .But all this is unphilosophical to the last degree. . .when thou canst at a moment's notice retire into thyself."
"I don't believe in pessimism. If something doesn't come up the way you want, forge ahead. If you think it's going to rain, it will."
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