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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
:: I hope some animal never bores...
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"I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching." -
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Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
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Evil
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Hope
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Wishing
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Top 5 quotes from Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around."
"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk."
"Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I 'swarm about' to protect my nest of chocolate eggs."
"If you go through a lot of hammers each month, I don't think it necessarily means you're a hard worker. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintenance."
"There should be a detective show called 'Johnny Monkey,' because every week you could have a guy say 'I ain't gonna get caught by no MONKEY,' but then he would, and I don't think I'd ever get tired of that."
Top 5 quotes from Evil, Hope, Wishing
"No one has yet computed how many imaginary triumphs are silently celebrated by people each year to keep up their courage."
"Every one in a crowd has the power to throw dirt; nine out of ten have the inclination."
"Let no one flatter himself; of himself he is Satan. Let man take sin, which is his own, and leave righteousness with God."
"Never esteem anything as an advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect."
"Death hangs over thee, While thou still live, while thou may, do good."
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