Stupidity quotes by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

Over 15,000 quotations and famous quotes.

Quotes by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] in Stupidity category:

Quote	Rating	Rate
"I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when someone kills someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet."
"The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.'"
"When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, 'Why you stupid, stupid bastard!' Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life."
"I'd rather be rich than stupid."
"If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, 'Well, technically that's illegal.' It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party."