Mistakes quotes by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

Over 15,000 quotations and famous quotes.

Quotes by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] in Mistakes category:

Quote	Rating	Rate
"I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our 'friend.'"
"Today I accidentally stepped on a snail on the sidewalk in front of our house. And I thought, I too am like that snail. I build a defensive wall around myself, a 'shell' if you will. But my shell isn't made out of a hard, protective substance. Mine is made out of tinfoil and paper bags."
"You can't tell me that cowboys, when they're branding cattle, don't sort of 'accidentally' brand each other every once in a while. It's their way of letting off stress."
"When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe."
"If you get invited to your first orgy, don't just show up nude. That's a common mistake. You have to let nudity 'happen.'"
"During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were 'just going down to the corner.'"
"I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he was nice, that he just didn't know how to show it. The meanest man in town, I said, was the mean old guy who lived in the big white house. 'THAT'S MISTER SWENSON,' they said. Oh, my mistake."