Help quotes by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]

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Quotes by Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] in Help category:

Quote	Rating	Rate
"If you see an animal and you can't tell if it's a skunk or a cat, here's a good saying to help: 'Black-and-white, stinks all right. Tabby-colored, likes a fella.'"
"A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke."
"I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I was at his house and that tied-up man with the gag in his mouth came hopping out of the closet and started yelling that HE was really my grandfather and the other guy was an imposter and to run for help. Who was that guy?! Oh, well, never saw HIM again."