Famous Quotes on Money

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Quote	Author	Rating	Rate
"I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when someone kills someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"The old-timers around here still shake their heads and chuckle about that city slicker who came through, trying to peddle 'hair restorer.' He took everyone's money in a poker game, so when he tried to sell the bottles of hair restorer, nobody had any money left to buy it!"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lie down and go to sleep."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, 'I swallowed it. So sue me.'"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, 'Looking for gold, ya durn fool.' He'd say, 'Your pick is gold.' And I'd say, 'well, that was easy.' Good joke, huh?"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could probably use a cheap ice pick."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Many people do not realize that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides walking on snow. For instance, it can be used to carry pancakes from the stove to the breakfast table. Also, it can be used to carry uneaten pancakes from the table to the garbage. Finally, it can be used as a kind of stainer, where you force pancakes through the strings to see if a piece of gold got in a pancake somehow."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Save a little money each month and at the end of the year you'll be surprised at how little you have."	Ernest Haskins
"He who loses money losses much. He who loses a friend loses more. But he who loses faith loses all."	Henry H. Haskins
"The fundamental evil of the world arose from the fact that the good Lord has not created money enough."	Heinrich Heine
"A man must love a thing very much if he not only practices it without any hope of fame and money, but even ... without any hope of doing it well."	Oliver Herford
"Words are wise men's counters, they do but reckon with them, but they are the money of fools."	Thomas Hobbes
"I love to go to Washington -- if only to be near my money."	Bob Hope
"Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers."	Frank McKinney Hubbard
"The safest way to double your money is to fold it over twice and put it in your pocket."	Frank McKinney Hubbard
"When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money."	Kim Hubbard
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Abraham Lincoln	Adolf Hitler	Albert Camus
Albert Einstein	Ann Landers	Anthony Burgess
Arthur Godfrey	Author Unknown	Ayn Rand
Barbara Bloom	Benjamin Franklin	Benjamin "Dizzy" Disraeli
Bob Dylan	Bob Hope	Brigid Antonia Brophy
B. J. Gupta	Charles Caleb Colton	Charles Dickens
Charles Farrar Browne	Clinton Jones	Deane Jordan
Deciderius Erasmus	Diane Ackerman	Dominique Bouhours
Dorothy Parker	Douglas Adams	Dr. Joyce
Dr. Samuel Johnson	Edward C. Moroney, Jr.	Elizabeth Barret Browning
Eric Butterworth	Ernest Haskins	Euripides
Everett McKinley Dirksen	Ezra Bowen	Fannie Hurst
Frank A. Clark	Frank McKinney Hubbard	General Charles De Gaulle
George Bernard Shaw	George Eliot	George Farquhar
George Horace Lorimer	George Jean Nathan	Gloria Steinem
Groucho Marx	Hanna Holborn Gray	Heinrich Heine
Henry Ford	Henry Wadsworth Longfellow	Henry Anatole Grunwald
Henry Drummond	Henry H. Haskins	Henry Miller
Herbert "Marshall" McLuhan	Hilaire Belloc	Horace Greeley
Humphrey Bogart	Irish Blessing	Isaac Asimov
Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]	James Arthur Baldwin	Jean Anouilh
Jean de La Bruyère	Jean Kerr	Jean Louis Rodolphe Agassiz
Joachim du Bellay	Joey Adams	Joe Louis
Joe Moore	Johann Wolfgang von Goethe	John Donne
John Evelyn	John Fellows Akers	John Sloan Dickey
Joseph Brooks	Josh Billings	Judy Garland
J(ean) Paul Getty	J. P. Donleavy	Kahlil Gibran
Karen Burka	Kenneth Branaugh	Ken Hakuta
Kim Hubbard	Kingman Brewster, Jr.	Kirt Herbert Adler
Kurt Herbert Alder	Lady Nancy Astor	Larry McMurty
Leonard	Lord Mancroft	Louisa May Alcott
Ludwig van Beethoven	Marcius Porcius Cato	Margaret Bonnano
Mark Twain	Marlon Brando	Marya Mannes
Miguel de Cervantes	Nicolas Chamfort	Ogden Nash
Oliver Herford	Oliver L. North	Oscar Wilde
Pablo Picasso	Paul Aubuchon	Paul Louis Courier
Peter's Almanac	Phyllis George	P(hineas) T(aylor) Barnum
Ralph Waldo Emerson	Richard Needham	Rosabeth Moss Kanter
Roy Innis	Samuel Butler	Sam Ewing
Satchel Paige	Simondes of Ceos	Sir Francis Bacon
Sir James Matthew Barrie	Smiley Blanton	Sonny Bono
Spike Milligan	Stanton Delaplane	Susanna Moodie
Susan Butler Anderson	S. Barry Lipkin	Thomas Jefferson
Thomas Hobbes	Victoria Billings	W. Somerset Maugham
William Shakespeare	William Jefferson Clinton	Wilson Mizner
Woody Allen	Wystan Hugh Auden	W(illiam) Somerset Maugham
W. C. Fields	(John) Calvin Coolidge