Famous Quotes on Monarchy

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Quote	Author	Rating	Rate
"People just naturally assume that dogs would be incapable of working together on some sort of construction project. But what about just a big field full of holes?"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have 'under' in them, because that's probably the first sign of jungle madness."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how about individual push buttons on each desk? That way, when you want to ask a question, you just push the button and it lights up a corresponding number on a tote board at the front of the class. Then all the professor has to do is check the lighted number against a master sheet of names and numbers to see who is asking the question."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags?"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, 'Looking for gold, ya durn fool.' He'd say, 'Your pick is gold.' And I'd say, 'well, that was easy.' Good joke, huh?"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor---through some kind of space warp or something. 'Go, Bob, go!' yelled one of the generals. 'Give me that!' said the big-guy general as he took the microphone away. 'Listen, Bob,' he said. 'You've got to steer that meteor away from Earth.' 'Yes, but how?' thought Bob. Then he got an idea. Right next to him there was a steering wheel sticking out of the meteor."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I bet when they weren't fighting, Vikings with horn helmets had to stick potatoes on the ends of the horns, so as to avoid eye pokings to fellow Vikings and lady Vikings."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you were an ancient barbarian, I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked, and you had to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I think a good way to get in a movie is to show up where they're making the movie, then stick a big cactus plant onto your buttocks and start yowling and running around. Everyone would think it was funny, and the head movie guy would say, 'Hey, let's put him in the movie.'"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Many people do not realize that the snowshoe can be used for a great many things besides walking on snow. For instance, it can be used to carry pancakes from the stove to the breakfast table. Also, it can be used to carry uneaten pancakes from the table to the garbage. Finally, it can be used as a kind of stainer, where you force pancakes through the strings to see if a piece of gold got in a pancake somehow."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, 'Well, technically that's illegal.' It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, 'Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know.' He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: 'This story isn't too long.' But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, 'Uh-oh, this story is getting long.' But then the story was over, and I said to myself: 'You know, that story wasn't too long after all.' I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
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Abraham Lincoln	Adam R. Gwizdala	Agatha Christie
Akhenaton	Alan Alexander Milne	Albert Camus
Albert Einstein	Albert Szent-Gyorgoi Von Nagyrapolt	Aldous Leonard Huxley
Aleister Crowley	Alfred A. Montapert	Alfred Korzybaski
Alvaro de Solva	Andrew Alden	Andrew "Old Hickory" Jackson
André Gide	Ann Diehl	Ann Landers
Anthony J. D'Angelo	Archibald Cox	Arthur C(harles) Clarke
Arthur Miller	A(ngelo) Bartlett Giamatti	Barbara Bloom
Barnaby C. Keeney	Benjamin Nnamdi Azikiwe	Benjamin "Dizzy" Disraeli
Ben Johnson	Bernard Mannes Baruch	Bertie Forbes
Bill Bulko	Bishop Creighton	Black Elk
Bruce Lee	B. J. Gupta	Calvin S. Hall
Carl Lotus Becker	Charles Caleb Colton	Charles Dickens
Charles Franklin Kettering	Charles Langbridge Morgan	Charles Mingu
Charlotte Bronte	Chinua Achebe	Christian Nestell Bovee
Clarence Birdseye	Clement Attlee	Clive Staples Lewis
Confucius	Craig Claiborne	Dag Hjalmar Agné Carl Hammarskjold
Dame Margot Fonteyn	Dame Rose Macauley	Daniel Day Lewis
Daniel J(oseph) Boorstin	Danny McGoorty	Dan Burrus
Dan Fielding	David Grayson	Deane Jordan
Deciderius Erasmus	Dennis Martin	Donald Robert Perry Marquis
Don Mazankowski	Dr.	Dr. Joyce
Dr. Samuel Johnson	Dr. Viktor E(mil) Frankl	Dwight David Eisenhower
D. A. Battista	Earvin Johnson	Edgar Watson Howe
Edmund S. Morgan	Edna Ferber	Edward de Bono
Edward Hodnett	Edward Irving Koch	Edward P. Morgan
Elizabeth Berg	Elizabeth Bowen	Elizabeth II
Emily Elizabeth Dickinson	Emmet Fox	Erich Fromm
Eric Butterworth	Eric Lustbader	Erma Louise Bombeck
Ernest Miller Hemingway	Eugene J. McCarthy	Evan Esar
Everett McKinley Dirksen	E. D. Hirsch, Jr.	Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky
Fletcher Knebel	Fran Lebowitz	Frank Moore Colby
Franklin P. Adams	Fred Allen	Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Fritjof Capra	F(rancis) Scott	Garth Brooks
George Eliot	George Crane	George Gordon Byron
George Levinger	George Stanley McGovern	George Washington Carver
Gilbert Keith Chesterton	Glen Beaman	Gurdjieff
G Gaia	Hal	Harlan Ellison
Helen Adams Keller	Helen Gurley Brown	Henri-Frédéric Amiel
Henry Ford	Henry Anatole Grunwald	Henry C. Blinn
Henry C. Link	Henry George	Henry Louis Mencken
Henry Miller	Herb Brody	Hermes
Honoré de Balzac	Horace	Howard W. Newton
H(elena) P(etrovna) Hahn Blavatsky	Irving	Isaac Asimov
Isaac Disraeli	I Ching	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
James Burgh	James Earl "Jimmy" Carter, Jr.	James Francis Byrnes
James T. Farrell	Jane Austen	Jay Edward Adams
Jean Kerr	Jean Louis Rodolphe Agassiz	Jean "Iris" Murdoch
Jeffrey Klein	Jenna Elfman	Jerry Coleman
Jerry Della Femina	Jesse Louis Jackson	Joe Moore
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe	John Lennon	Johnny Carson
Johnny McEntyre	John Anthony Ciardi	John Cleese
John Galsworthy	John Kenneth Galbraith	John Malkovich
John Maynard Keynes	John M. Eades	John Phillips Marquand
John W. Hanley	Jon Kabit-Zinn	Joseph Addison
Joseph Brooks	Joseph Campbell	Josh Billings
Juliene Berk	Julius Henry Marx	Juvenal
J(ames) William Fulbright	J. Russel Lynes	Kahlil Gibran
Karl Barth	Katherine Mansfield	Kevin Meyers
Kim Hubbard	Kingman Brewster, Jr.	Laertius Diogenes
Lao-Tzu	Lawrence Peter Berra	Leonardo da Vinci
Lester Bangs	Lewis Carroll	Lido Anthony "Lee" Iacocca
Lillian Hellman	Linus	Lizzy Gardiner
Lloyd Alexander	Lord Melbourne	Louis
Lucille Ball	Luke 9:62 Bible	Lyndon Baines Johnson
L. Frank Baum	Madam Chaiang Kai-shek	Madeline Bridges
Malcolm Stevenson Forbes	Marcel Marceau	Marcus Aelius Aurelius
Margaret Mead	Margaret Fairless Barber	Marguerite de Valois
Marilyn Ferguson	Mark McGee	Marlene Dietrich
Marlon Brando	Marsha Evans	Martin Luther
Martin Luther King, Jr.	Mary Bertone	Mary Cholmondeley
Mary Lou Cook	Matthew Arnold	Matthew 19:24 Bible
Michael J. Gelb	Michel Eyquem de Montaigne	Midori Koto
Miguel de Cervantes	Miles Dewey Davis	Milo Bloom
Mme. de Sartory	Morarji Ranchhodji Desai	Napolean Hill
Newt Gingrich	Nicholas Boileau	Niels Henrik David Bohr
Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev	Og Mandino	Oliver Cromwell
Oscar Levant	Paul Aubuchon	Paul Hawken
Pearl Sydenstricker Buck	Peter F(erdinand) Drucker	Peter McWilliams
Pete Johnson	Philip	Phillips Brooks
Phoenix Flame	Pierce Harris	Quentin Crisp
Rachel Blanchard	Ralph Waldo Emerson	Ray Douglas Bradbury
Reubin Askew	Richard Dawkins	Richard Buckminster Fuller
Richard Milhouse Nixon	Richard Willard Armour	Robert Charles Benchley
Robert Francis Kennedy	Robert Green Ingersoll	Robert Keith Leavitt
Robert Lee Frost	Robert Oxton Bolt	Robin Leach
Robyn Davidson	Roger Anderson	Romare Beardon
R. J. Baughan	Samuel Butler	Sam Ewing
Sam(uel) James Ervin, Jr.	Simone de Beauvoir	Sir Francis Bacon
Sir John Lubbock	Sir Walter Besant	Sir William Henry Bragg
Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill	Stanislaw J. Lec	Steve Goodman
Susan Butler Anderson	Søren Aaby Kierkegaard	Tao Le Ching
Terry Goodkind	Terry Josephson	Theodor Wiesengrund Adorno
Thomas Hardy	Thomas Jefferson	Thomas Crum
Thomas Hughes	Thomas Merton	Thomas Moore
Tim McMahon	Tony Kushner	Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh
Vernon Howard	Victor Kiam	Waldo Frank
Walter Cronkite	Warren Gamaliel Harding	Washington Irving
Wayne W(alter) Dyer	Willa Sibert Cather	William James
William Ellery Channing	William Franklin "Billy" Graham	William Jefferson Clinton
William John Bennett	Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart	Woody Allen
Wystan Hugh Auden	W(illiam) Somerset Maugham	Zora Neale Hurston
(Sarah) Margaret Fuller	(William) Ramsey Clark