Famous Quotes on Laughter

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Quote	Author	Rating	Rate
"The old-timers around here still shake their heads and chuckle about that city slicker who came through, trying to peddle 'hair restorer.' He took everyone's money in a poker game, so when he tried to sell the bottles of hair restorer, nobody had any money left to buy it!"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that cable just keeps right on going, clear across a field, until you come to a bunch of guys who are burying the cable. Then just walk up to them and go, 'Hey, have you seen Fred?' And they'll say, 'Fred who?' And you say, 'Fred of snakes?' Then cover your ears, because big laughs are coming."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, 'If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky.' Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, 'Dust to dust,' some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, 'I'll be waiting for you in heaven---with a gun.'"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If I lived back in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, 'Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!' and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, 'That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.' Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is, I mean a jellyfish with long, blond hair."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags?"	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"I remember how, in college, I got that part-time job as a circus clown, and how the children would laugh and laugh at me. I vowed, then and there, that I would get revenge."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"When Rick told me he was having trouble with his wife, I had to laugh. Not because of what he said, but because of a joke I thought of. I told him the joke, but he didn't laugh very much. Some friend HE is."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, 'Well, technically that's illegal.' It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party."	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
"From your parents you learn love and laughter and how to put one foot before the other. But when books are opened you discover that you have wings."	Helen Hayes
"Man is the only animal that laughs and weeps; for he is the only animal that is struck with the difference between what things are, and what they ought to be."	William Hazlitt
"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh."	Robert Anson Heinlein
"One man's religion is another man's belly laugh."	Robert Anson Heinlein
"Life can be wildly tragic at times, and I've had my share. But whatever happens to you, you have to keep a slightly comic attitude. In the final analysis, you have got not to forget to laugh."	Katharine Houghton Hepburn
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Browse Laughter quotes by Author:

Abraham Lincoln	Alan Alda	Albert Einstein
Allison Kearney	Amy Grant	Anne Frank
Ann Landers	Anthony Burgess	Arnold H. Glasgow
Author Unknown	Bennett Alfred Cerf	Bill Cosby
Bob Newhart	Clarence Seward Darrow	Dan Fielding
Dean Koontz	D(avid) H(erbert) Lawrence	Edgar Watson Howe
Elbert Hubbard	Elsa Maxwell	Eric Idle
Erma Louise Bombeck	Ethel Barrymore	Eugene Lam
Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky	Friedrich Nietzsche	Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
George Gordon	George Gordon Byron	Gilbert Keith Chesterton
Golda Meir	Gordon William Allport	Helen Hayes
Henry Ward Beecher	Henry Elliot	Henry Louis Mencken
Henry Miller	Herbert Gardner	Hilaire Belloc
Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]	Jean de LaBruyere	Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
John Fitzgerald Kennedy	John Gillespie Magee	Jonathan Carroll
Joseph Addison	Josh Billings	Julius Henry Marx
J. M. Linsner	J. Russel Lynes	Kahlil Gibran
Karl Barth	Katharine Houghton Hepburn	Lewis Carroll
Martin Luther	Max Beerbohm	Max Forrester Eastman
Maya Angelou	Miguel de Cervantes	Milton Berle
Napolean Bonaparte	Nicolas Chamfort	Niels Henrik David Bohr
Norman Cousins	Orison Swett Marden	Patricia Hitchcock
Ralph Waldo Emerson	Reinhold Niebuhr	Rene Descartes
Richard Milhouse Nixon	Robert	Robert Anson Heinlein
Robert Killinger	Rupert Brooke	Shirley MacLaine
Sri da Avabhas	Stephen King	Stephen Fry
Sébastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort	Terry Cohen	Theodore M. Hesburgh
Umberto Eco	Victor Borge	Victor Hugo
William Hazlitt	William Davis	Woody Allen
Wystan Hugh Auden	(William) Harvey Cox