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"There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes the whole universe for a vast practical joke."
Herman Melville
"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence."
Henry Louis Mencken
"Silence will not betray your thoughts but the expression on your face will. Humor has a hundred faces; tragedy only a few."
H. G. Mendelson
"One has to be a lowbrow, a bit of a murderer, to be a politician, ready and willing to see people sacrificed, slaughtered, for the sake of an idea, whether a good one or a bad one."
Henry Miller
"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on."
Bob Newhart
"All you earnest young men out to save the world … please, have a laugh."
Reinhold Niebuhr
"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
"What starts the process, really, are laughs and slights and snubs when you are a kid. ... If your anger is deep enough and strong enough, you learn that you can change those attitudes by excellence, personal gut performance."
Richard Milhouse Nixon
"Humor is reason gone mad."
Groucho Marx
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
Groucho Marx
"Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer."
Douglas Adams
"Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen."
Douglas Adams
"I have just got a new theory of eternity."
Albert Einstein
"She's got to learn to reconcile herself to being Mrs Aristotle Onassis because the only place she'll find sympathy from now on is in the dictionary between shit and syphilis."
Aristotle
"[Find a priest] who understands English and doesn't look like Rasputin."
Aristotle
"Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown."
Woody Allen
"Every survival kit should include a sense of humor."
Author Unknown
"A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted."
Author Unknown
"A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't."
Author Unknown
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