Famous Quotes on Humor

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Quote	Author	Rating	Rate
"Middle age is when you're faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by 9 o'clock."	Ronald Reagan
"Please tell me you're Republicans."	Ronald Reagan
"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."	Ronald Reagan
"[Andrew Jackson] was actually 70 years old when he left the White House…. I know-he told me."	Ronald Reagan
"I was recovering from young Mr Hinckley's unwelcome attentions."	Ronald Reagan
"I think we should keep the grain and export the farmers."	Ronald Reagan
"My doctors told me this morning my blood pressure is down so low that I can start reading the newspapers."	Ronald Reagan
"Do you remember when I said bombing would begin in five minutes? Remember when I fell asleep during my audience with the pope? … Those were the good old days."	Ronald Reagan
"Since I came to the White House I got two hearing aids, a colon operation, skin cancer, a prostate operation and I was shot. The damn thing is, I've never felt better in my life."	Ronald Reagan
"He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery."	Dorothy Parker
"How can they tell?"	Dorothy Parker
"[We look like] a road company of the Last Supper."	Dorothy Parker
"I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution."	George Carlin
"I always thought I was Jeanne d'Arc and Bonaparte. How little one knows oneself."	Charles De Gaulle
"How can you be expected to govern a country that has 246 kinds of cheese?"	Charles De Gaulle
"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."	Rodney Dangerfield
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman-or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle."	George Burns
"I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now-I'm booked."	George Burns
"She has become the Julia Child of sex."	Gloria Steinem
"Did St Francis preach to the birds? Whatever for? If he really liked birds he would have done better to preach to the cats."	Rebecca West
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Bill Bryson	Bob Newhart	Boy George
B. J. Gupta	Charles De Gaulle	Charles Hendrickson Brower
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Dan Fielding	Dean Koontz	Dick Clark
Dorothy Parker	Douglas Adams	D(avid) H(erbert) Lawrence
Edgar Watson Howe	Edward Albee	Elbert Hubbard
Ellie Katz	Elsa Maxwell	Eric Idle
Erma Louise Bombeck	Ernest Miller Hemingway	Ethel Barrymore
Eugene Lam	Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky	Frank A. Clark
Fred Allen	Freeman John Dyson	Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
George	George Burns	George Carlin
George Barrell Cheever	George Gordon	George Gordon Byron
Georg Christopher Lichtenberg	Gilbert Keith Chesterton	Gloria Steinem
Golda Meir	Gordon William Allport	Groucho Marx
Helen Hayes	Henny Youngman	Henry Ward Beecher
Henry Cate, VII	Henry Elliot	Henry Louis Mencken
Henry Miller	Herbert Gardner	Herman Melville
Hilaire Belloc	Homer McLin	H. G. Mendelson
Isaac Asimov	Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]	Jean de LaBruyere
Jennifer Jones	Johann Wolfgang von Goethe	John Fitzgerald Kennedy
John Gillespie Magee	John Guarrine	John Kenneth Galbraith
Jonathan Carroll	Joseph Addison	Julius Henry Marx
J. M. Linsner	J. Russel Lynes	Kahlil Gibran
Karl Barth	Katharine Houghton Hepburn	Larry Gelbart
Laurie E. Colwin	Lewis Carroll	Louisa May Alcott
Mae West	Mahatma Gandhi	Martin Luther
Max Beerbohm	Max Forrester Eastman	Maya Angelou
Mel Brooks	Mignon McLaughlin	Miguel de Cervantes
Milton Berle	Napolean Bonaparte	Nicolas Chamfort
Niels Henrik David Bohr	Norman Cousins	Orison Swett Marden
Owen Gleiberman	Patricia Hitchcock	Peter's Almanac
Ralph Waldo Emerson	Rebecca West	Reinhold Niebuhr
Rene Descartes	Richard Milhouse Nixon	Robert
Robert Anson Heinlein	Robert Killinger	Robert Lee Frost
Rodney Dangerfield	Romain Gary	Ronald Reagan
Rupert Brooke	Russell Lynes	Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Samuel S. Janus	Shirley MacLaine	Sinclair Lewis
Sir Francis Bacon	Sir Walter Besant	Sri da Avabhas
Stephen Fry	SÃ©bastien-Roch Nicolas de Chamfort	Terry Cohen
Theodore M. Hesburgh	Umberto Eco	Victor Borge
Victor Hugo	Walter J. Lippmann	William Hazlitt
William Davis	Woody Allen	Wystan Hugh Auden
W(illiam) Somerset Maugham	Zsa Zsa Gabor	(Justin) Brooks Atkinson
(William) Harvey Cox