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"Many people quit looking for work when they find a job."
Dave Barry
"Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have."
Dave Barry
"I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy."
Dave Barry
"Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
Dave Barry
"Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved."
Dave Barry
"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out."
Dave Barry
"For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord."
Dave Barry
"Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others."
Dave Barry
"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."
Dave Barry
"Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."
Dave Barry
"Please excuse Mary. She is having problems with her ovals."
Dave Barry
"Please excuse Fred Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."
Dave Barry
"Fred was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing area."
Dave Barry
"Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."
Dave Barry
"Please excuse Fred from P.E. for a few days. He fell yesterday out of a tree and misplaced his hip."
Dave Barry
"Please ackuse Fred being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33."
Dave Barry
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him."
Dave Barry
"Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules."
Dave Barry
"Too many rocks in the mountains."
Dave Barry
"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
Dave Barry
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