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"Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz."
Dave Barry
"Software: These programs give instruction to the CPU, which processes billions of tiny facts called bytes, and within a fraction of a second it sends you an error message that requires you to call the customer-support hot line and be placed on hold for approximately the life-span of a caribou."
Dave Barry
"Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it."
Dave Barry
"Line printer paper is strongest at the perforations."
Dave Barry
"The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on."
Dave Barry
"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs."
Dave Barry
"We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00."
Dave Barry
"And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience."
Dave Barry
"Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast."
Dave Barry
"Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00"
Dave Barry
"Sign at a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
Dave Barry
"Sign at a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished?"
Dave Barry
"Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques."
Dave Barry
"Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
Dave Barry
"I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose."
Dave Barry
"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
Dave Barry
"For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."
Dave Barry
"Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor."
Dave Barry
"How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?"
Dave Barry
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Dave Barry
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