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"What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk? And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around and ask people for money, and then lie down and go to sleep." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 3.6667 average rating Rate this Quote
"Higher beings from outer space may not want to tell us the secrets of life, because we're not ready. But maybe they'll change their tune after a little torture." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 3.5000 average rating Rate this Quote
"If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 4.0000 average rating Rate this Quote
"Instead of raising your hand to ask a question in class, how about individual push buttons on each desk? That way, when you want to ask a question, you just push the button and it lights up a corresponding number on a tote board at the front of the class. Then all the professor has to do is check the lighted number against a master sheet of names and numbers to see who is asking the question." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 4.5000 average rating Rate this Quote
"You can kidnap me and force me to be your watchdog if you want to. But I'm telling you, I will bark at any sound I hear and it will drive you crazy." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 2.7500 average rating Rate this Quote
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 4.6000 average rating Rate this Quote
"Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 4.4615 average rating Rate this Quote
"I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part of the brain that makes you want to study the brain." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 2.5000 average rating Rate this Quote
"If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, 'Well, technically that's illegal.' It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 3.2500 average rating Rate this Quote
"Once when I was in Hawaii, on the island of Kauai, I met a mysterious old stranger. He said he was about to die and wanted to tell someone about the treasure. I said, 'Okay, as long as it's not a long story. Some of us have a plane to catch, you know.' He stared telling his story, about the treasure and his life and all, and I thought: 'This story isn't too long.' But then, he kept going, and I started thinking, 'Uh-oh, this story is getting long.' But then the story was over, and I said to myself: 'You know, that story wasn't too long after all.' I forget what the story was about, but there was a good movie on the plane. It was a little long, though." Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 3.6250 average rating Rate this Quote
"Whether they live in an igloo or a grass shack or a mud hut, people around the world all want the same thing: a better house!" Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] 3.5000 average rating Rate this Quote
"When you want something, it's not that easy. You have to know what you want and keep going for it." Taylor Hanson 5.0000 average rating Rate this Quote
"We must determine whether we really want freedom--whether we are willing to dare the perils of...rebirth... For we never take a step forward without surrendering something that we may have held dear, without dying to that which has been." Virginia Hanson Rate this Quote
"Acceptance. It is the true thing everyone longs for. The one thing everyone craves. To walk in a room and to be greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles. And in that small passing moment, you truly know you're loved, needed, and accepted." Rena Harmon 5.0000 average rating Rate this Quote
"Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better." Sydney J. Harris 4.7500 average rating Rate this Quote
"People far prefer happiness to wisdom, but that is like wanting to be immortal without getting older." Sydney J. Harris 5.0000 average rating Rate this Quote
"Most of us have been taught about the need to appropriate by faith what is already ours through grace. We all desire to have more joy in our Christian life. The keys to experiencing joy are available to all of us. We need to understand the gospel of the grace of God as revealed to the Apostle Paul. Then as we put Paul's instructions into practice, we will come to know God experientially. This will cause us to know Him better which will cause us to want to obey more, and on and on it goes. Then as we learn and obey God and become focused on spiritual things instead of earthly things, we will become thankful for everything that God has provided for us in Christ. Knowledge, obedience, and thankfulness will then lead to abundant joy in our everyday life! In the words of the old hymn: Trust and obey, For there's no other way, To be happy in Jesus, But to trust and obey." David Havard 4.8333 average rating Rate this Quote
"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them." Paul Hawken 3.6000 average rating Rate this Quote
"The contemplation of truth and beauty is the proper object for which we were created, which calls forth the most intense desires of the soul, and of which it never tires." William Hazlitt 5.0000 average rating Rate this Quote
"We are a people who do not want to keep much of the past in our heads. It is considered unhealthy in America to remember mistakes, neurotic to think about them, psychotic to dwell on them." Lillian Hellman 3.0000 average rating Rate this Quote
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Abd Er-Rahman III Abraham Lincoln Ainsley Carry
Akhenaton Alan Alexander Milne Albert Einstein
Alexander Graham Bell Andrew Carnegie André Maurois
Ann Landers Anton Pavlovich Chekhov Anwar el-Sadat
Aristotle Athenæus A(ngelo) Bartlett Giamatti
Barbara Burrow Barbara Charline Jordan Bernard Edmonds
Bernard Mannes Baruch Bethania McKenstry Bhagavad Gita
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba Bob Dylan Bob Moawad
Bruce Lee Buonarroti Michelangelo B. A. Billingsly
Catfish Hunter Cathleen Douglas Charles Dickens
Charles Bukowski Charles Roberts Buxton Child Age 13
Child Age 15 Christopher Darlington Morley Claude Adrien Helvetius
Clifton Paul Fadiman Clint(on) Eastwood, Jr. Clive Alexander Barnes
Clive Staples Lewis Confucius Curtis Grant
Dag Hjalmar Agné Carl Hammarskjold Dale Carnegie Damien Hess
Daniel J(oseph) Boorstin Daniel Patrick Moynihan David Broder
David Havard David McCord Dennis McKinsey
Diane Ackerman Dick Allen Donald Robert Perry Marquis
Dr. Arthur Kellerman Dwight David Eisenhower D(avid) H(erbert) Lawrence
Edmund Burke Edward Dahlberg Edward R(oscoe) Murrow
Elias Canetti Ella Fitzgerald Emma Albani
Epictetus Epicurus Erich Fromm
Eric Butterworth Eric Hoffer Eric Lustbader
Erma Louise Bombeck Ernest Miller Hemingway Eubie
Euripides Eustace Budgell Federico Fellni
Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky Fran Lebowitz Francis William Bourdillon
Frank Herbert Frederick Douglass Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
F(rancis) Scott F. H. Bradley Galileo Galilei
Gamal Abdel Nasser Garrison Keillor Garry Gamble
General Charles De Gaulle Geoffrey F. Abert George Eliot
George Dana Boardman George Foreman George Frost Kennan
George Gordon Byron George Stanley McGovern Georg Christopher Lichtenberg
Gerald R. Ford Gilbert Keith Chesterton Golda Meir
Gurdjieff Gustave Flaubert Gérard Depardieu
G. Campbell Morgan Hal Harold Howe II
Harold S. Geneen Helen Adams Keller Helen Merrell Lynd
Henrik Ibsen Henry Hitt Crane Herbert Clark Hoover
Honoré de Balzac Horace Mann H(elena) P(etrovna) Hahn Blavatsky
H. Jackson Browne Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] Jacques Martin Barzun
James Arthur Baldwin James Lane Allen Janet Jackson
Jane Austen Jan Ashford Jean de La Fontaine
Jean Kerr Jeff Herman Jerry Lewis
Jesse Lair Jiddu Krishnamurti Joe Moore
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe John Blofeld John Burroughs
John B. Gough John Cleese John Dryden
John Fitzgerald Kennedy John Kenneth Galbraith Joseph Brooks
Joseph Conrad Joseph Wood Krutch Josh Billings
Juvenal J(ames) William Fulbright J. Brotherton
J. F. Boyse Kahlil Gibran Karen Burka
Kathe Kolliqitz Kurt Lewin Lady Nancy Astor
Lawrence Peter Berra Leonard Bernstein Leonardo DiCaprio
Lido Anthony "Lee" Iacocca Lillian Hellman Lisa Alther
Louis Kronenberger Lyndon Baines Johnson Marcus Aelius Aurelius
Marcus Tullius Cicero Margaret Mead Margaret Anderson
Maria Montessori Mario M(atthew) Cuomo Mark McGee
Marlon Brando Marquis de Sade Martin Luther
Martin Luther King, Jr. Mary Ingraham Bunting Maxim Gorky
Max Lerner Max Lucado Michael Korda
Michael Landon Michel Eyquem de Montaigne Michio Kushi
Mignon McLaughlin Mike McLaren Miles Dewey Davis
M. Shawn Covey Napolean Hill Neill MacRae
Niccolo Machiavelli Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev Ogden Nash
Orison Swett Marden Paul Beatty Paul Hawken
Percy H. Johnson Phillip K. Dick Phillips Brooks
Philo Judaeus Ralph Waldo Emerson Ralph Bunche
Raymond Holliwel Ray Douglas Bradbury Rena Harmon
Rene Descartes Richard Lamm Richard Milhouse Nixon
Richard M. Mathews Robert Baker Robert Francis Kennedy
Robert Fritz Robert F. Bennett Robert Henri
Robert Joseph "Bob" Dole Robert Lee Frost Romare Beardon
Rosabeth Moss Kanter Rosalynn Smith Carter Saint Augustine
Sally Field Samuel Goldwyn Samuel Butler
Sandra Cisneros Shakti Gawain Shirley Mount Hufstedler
Sigmund Freud Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Sir Francis Bacon
Sir Winston Leonard Spenser Churchill Smiley Blanton Sophia Loren
Stuti Garg Sydney J. Harris Taylor Hanson
Terry Goodkind Thomas Jefferson Tibetan Doctrine
T. S. Eliot Ursula K. LeGuin Vincent Thomas "Vince" Lombardi
Vinny Nayak Virginia Hanson Walter Frederick Mondale
Warren G. Bennis William Blake William Hazlitt
William James William Adams William E. Holler
William Seward Burroughs William Sherman Pene du Bois Witold Gombrowicz
Woody Allen Wystan Hugh Auden Zelda
Zora Neale Hurston (John) Calvin Coolidge  
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