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"Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world."
Dave Barry
"In the past decade or so, the women's magazines have taken to running home-handyperson articles suggesting that women can learn to fix things just as well as men. These articles are apparently based on the ludicrous assumption that _men_ know how to fix things, when in fact all they know how to do is _look_ at things in a certain squinty-eyed manner, which they learned in Wood Shop; eventually, when enough things in the home are broken, they take a job requiring them to transfer to another home."
Dave Barry
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
Dave Barry
"Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition."
Jacques Martin Barzun
"Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball."
Jacques Martin Barzun
"Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters."
Isaac Bashevis
"The skylines lit up at dead of night, the air-conditioning systems cooling empty hotels in the desert, and artificial light in the middle of the day all have something both demented and admirable about them: the mindless luxury of a rich civilization, and yet of a civilization perhaps as scared to see the lights go out as was the hunter in his primitive night."
Jean Baudrillard
"Marriage always demands the finest arts of insincerity possible between two human beings."
Vicki Baum
"Life is going to give you just what you put into it. Put your whole heart in everything you do."
Vivian Baxter
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."
Thomas Haynes Bayly
"[On the breakup of Harrison Ford's first marriage:] It wasn't because he became a star. In all relationships there are changes and the point is both partners have to change together."
Walter Beakel
"The old Lakota was wise. He knew that man's heart away from nature becomes hard; he knew that lack of respect for growing, living things soon led to lack of respect for humans, too."
Luther Bear
"When humans participate in ceremony, they enter a sacred space. Everything outside of that space shrivels in importance. Time takes on a different dimension. Emotions flow more freely. The bodies of participants become filled with the energy of life, and this energy reaches out and blesses the creation around them. All is made new; everything becomes sacred."
Sun Bear
"Every artist wants his work to be permanent. But what is? The Aswan Dam covered some of the greatest art in the world. Venice is sinking. Great books and pictures were lost in the Florence floods. In the meantime we still enjoy butterflies."
Romare Beardon
"No human being is constituted to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth; and even the best of men must be content with fragment, with partial glimpses, never the full fruition."
Alan Marshall Beck
"A boy is a magical creature you can lock him out of your workshop, but you can't lock him out of your heart. You can get him out of your study, but you can't get him out of your mind. Might as well give up he is your captor, your jailer, your boss and your master a freckled-faced, pint-sized, cat-chasing bundle of noise. But when you come home at night with only the shattered pieces of your hopes and dreams, he can mend them like new with two magic words Hi, Dad!"
Alan Marshall Beck
"A girl becomes a wife with her eyes wide open. She knows that those sweetest words, 'I take thee to be my wedded husband,' really mean, 'I promise thee to cook three meals a day for 60 years; thee will I clean up after; thee will I talk to even when thou art not listening; thee will I worry about, cry over and take all manner of hurts from.'"
Alan Marshall Beck
"Little girls are the nicest things that happen to people. They are born with a little bit of angelshine about them, and though it wears thin sometimes there is always enough left to lasso your heart-even when they are sitting in the mud, or crying temperamental tears, or parading up the street in mother's best clothes."
Alan Marshall Beck
"Of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart."
Henry Ward Beecher
"It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich according to what he is, not according to what he has."
Henry Ward Beecher
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