Woody Allen

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Quote	Categories	Rating	Rate
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."	God, Stupidity
"The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house."	Quotations
"Seventy percent of success in life is showing up."	Quotations
"When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back."	Baseball
"What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?"	Anti-God, Basketball
"Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown."	Quotations
"Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown."	Humor
"I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."	Laughter
"Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock."	Success, Life
"Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love."	Sex
"Sex relieves tension - love causes it."	Sex
"Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman."	Sex
"In Beverley Hills, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into television shows."	Television
"She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak."	Women
"It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies."	Love, Crime
"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon."	Success, Life
"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition."	Atheism
"I tended to place my wife under a pedestal."	Marriage
"I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."	Music
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"	Love, Death
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Browse Woody Allen quotes by category:

Ability	Accomplishment	Achievement
Age	Anti-God	Art
Atheism	Baseball	Basketball
Business	Choice	Crime
Death	Desires	Dreams
Education	Evil	Excellence
Experience	Failure	Faith
Fear	Freedom	Friendship
God	Good	Happiness
History	Honesty	Hope
Humor	Insults	Intelligence
Joy	Knowledge	Laughter
Liberty	Lies	Life
Love	Marriage	Memory
Men	Military	Miscellaneous
Mistakes	Monarchy	Money
Music	Nature	Patience
Peace	Power	Quotations
Reading	School	Sex
Sin	Sleeping	Stupidity
Success	Teaching	Television
Time	Truth	Wants
War	Wisdom	Wishing
Women