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George Carlin

Author Rating (85%)

Group: Comedians

George Carlin

Ranking: 202nd
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Quote	Categories	Rating	Rate
"Tonight's weather, dark, continuing mostly dark tonight, leading to widely scattered areas of light in the morning."	God, Stupidity
"I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius."	Anti-God, Birth
"I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius."	Anti-God, Birthdays
"Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror."	Baseball
"I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed."	Economics, Change
"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time."	Love, Death
"Fuck all the people who say, "God bless," and then don't bother to complete the sentence. Who they are, I haven't the slightest. But, if I were God, I would not honor such a request."	God
"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood."	Religion
"I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No Smoking, Stay Off the Grass, Keep Out, and they seem to work fairly well. I think we should also have signs for major crimes: Murder Strictly Prohibited, NO Raping People, Thank You for Not Kidnapping Anyone. It's certainly worth a try. I'm convinced Watergate would never have happened if there had just been a sign in the Oval Office that said, Malfeasance of Office Is Strictly Against the Law, or Thank You for Not Undermining the Constitution."	Humor
"We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing."	Thanksgiving

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Anti-God	Baseball	Birth
Birthdays	Change	Death
Economics	God	Humor
Love	Religion	Stupidity
Thanksgiving

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