Dave Barry

Ranking: 11th
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Quote	Categories	Rating	Rate
"Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others."	God, Stupidity
"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."	God, Stupidity
"Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."	God, Stupidity
"Please excuse Mary. She is having problems with her ovals."	God, Stupidity
"Please excuse Fred Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."	God, Stupidity
"Fred was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing area."	God, Stupidity
"Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."	God, Stupidity
"Please excuse Fred from P.E. for a few days. He fell yesterday out of a tree and misplaced his hip."	God, Stupidity
"Please ackuse Fred being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33."	God, Stupidity
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him."	God, Stupidity
"Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules."	God, Stupidity
"Too many rocks in the mountains."	God, Stupidity
"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."	God, Stupidity
"Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."	God, Stupidity
"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."	God, Stupidity
"Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."	God, Stupidity
"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."	God, Stupidity
"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."	God, Stupidity
"Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."	God, Stupidity
"Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."	God, Stupidity
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